The hahaha scale: Together we can defeat LOL

By Dan Morris

SAY someone tweets you, sends you a humorous text message or even writes an appealing status update, how do you respond? Please don’t tell me you write LOL.

It goes without saying that I am not the biggest fan of the phrase, in fact I despise it. Not only does it reminded me of the hours wasted, wallowing away on MSN messenger as an early teen but it’s clichéd, who actually means it when they use it?

Ok, so you are acknowledging that what you have read has humoured you in some way shape or form, but seriously are you laughing out loud – to yourself?

It’s overused and meaningless; I’ve witnessed people use it regarding the most serious of comments.

It lacks imagination and indicates a slender grasp on the English language.

Instead of writing LOL, I adopt what I like to call the hahaha scale.

Funny, sort of funny, not funny it has it covered: The hahaha scale

A scale which I will categorically predict you use, without even realising.

It’s a scale, albeit a trivial one, which is used to establish the necessary response to an interesting, entertaining, or downright hilarious instance – in fact it’s so versatile, it covers all eventualities.

The hahaha scale, concerns the necessary response to a particular occurrence, most will respond without even consulting the scale and hence its subconscious role within society.

It covers everything from a simple ha, to a full blown hahahahaha – each one has a meaning, you’ve just never given it the time of day.

There is without doubt a distinct difference between something that is actually funny, hahaha, and when you are just being sarcastic, ha.

For me LOL falls somewhere between, the actually funny marker and the mockingly funny, hahahahaha. It’s neither here nor there, no one quite knows what you mean and nor can they tell whether you’re being serious or not.

For these reasons alone it should never be used, despite the aforementioned.
Don’t get me wrong its cousins LMAO and ROTFL are far more nonsensical and none of which should be socially accepted – I defy anyone to actually, physically roll on the floor laughing, while continuing to type.

In a nutshell. Don’t use LOL, and next time you respond to a something with ha, check out the scale, I can assure you the comparisons will be uncanny.

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The Royal PILF: His Royal Highness Prince William to marry Kate Middleton

Prince William and Kate Middleton announce their engagement Photo: PA

By Dan Morris

APPARENTLY today is quite a significant, historic moment, one that will forever be remembered, I’m told not because one has finally decided to delve deep into the realm of the blogosphere but because we now have a Royal PILF (Princess…)

Broken today was the news that Prince William – the future king of England – is to marry his long term girlfriend Kate Middleton, and it goes without saying she’s one of the more attractive members of the Royal family.

I can’t help but acknowledge the fact that His Royal Highness has done remarkably well for himself; I’m looking for reasons as to how?

It interests me as to whether or not Miss Middleton needed time to consider such a proposition, I’m thinking the prospect of becoming the Queen of England would take all of zero seconds to ponder.

What I can say is she is sure to brighten up a dull and let’s face it ageing Royal family, Miss Middleton will certainly breath a new lease of life into an otherwise uninteresting ancestry.

Despite having grown up post Diana, I’m still aware of the furore that surrounded the nations princess; I’m told she was quite a looker too (in her day of course).

Partly, what made her such a national treasure was her image, something aside from the stereotypical royal.

As with Diana, there was a time when it would have mattered that the future queen of England was a ‘commoner’ but it seems not anymore.

There’s something quite exciting about the fact Miss Middleton is the daughter of an air hostess– it’s the Diana chronicles all over again…

She’s just a normal girl from a normal family – in County Durham - albeit for a matter of months, because that is now destined to change.

Perhaps I’ve over estimated this whole event but even I know the significance of such an addition to such an iconic part of British society.

Possibly the most interesting thing about this whole occasion is how well people seem to know them. Especially for a couple who have, quite possibly, kept themselves out of the media spotlight remarkably well.

Over the next twelve months a nation will watch with bated breath as the most eagerly anticipated wedding to date is mapped out with a fine tooth-comb.

The most important thing about a wedding as grandiose as this one will be getting it right – after all the world’s eyes will be on it.

Questions that we’ll want answering are, when and where. For sure the wedding is set to take place in the capital but does William want to marry in the Abbey where his mother’s funeral took place? Or St Paul’s, where she wed.

Tradition expects and so too does a nation, For Sky News the day can’t come soon enough.

Is there a more fitting way to revive a recession-battered nation’s spirits than an extra day off work as the focal point of the worlds attention is feast upon a Royal Wedding – probably.